Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
