Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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