I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
