Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
