The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
