We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
