come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
