I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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