why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I enjoy the company of your penis
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