I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
