our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
