There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Two words: blizzard sex
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
