if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
