Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
