It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
