Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
