Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
