You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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