I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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