I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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