...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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