yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
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You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
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He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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