"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
