I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
