did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
