Fine. I'll sleep in my office
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize