ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
