At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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