Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
