just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
