I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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