I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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