My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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