she looked like the before picture.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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