need another drink. this is the easiest way
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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