I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
