You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
