I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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