You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
