I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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