I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
