Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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