PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
