Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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