girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
