Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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