I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
