This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
