im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
