Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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