I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
