we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
