You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
