people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
