i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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