Plan B is the new Plan A
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Less talking, more tequila
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
