I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Randomize
