Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
