i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
