Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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