I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
