She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
