I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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