so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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