Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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