Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
