There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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