I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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