"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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