so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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